~Moving On...The Next Chapter~

It was a wonderful summer~Now it is time to get back to work and to a bit of reality. I really do hope my summer was my new reality, but only time, faith, and distance will tell. This quote definitely describes how I have been feeling lately.

By J. Johnson, picture courtesy of tumblr

Maybe it's not always about trying to fix something broken. Maybe it's about starting over and creating something better.

Yep, I have been described as a "fixer" many times. I unfortunately have many "Debisms" to prove it. My very closest friends know my Debisms and the validity behind their mysteries. Some of my friends~ahem....Small~know the Debisms all too well!~During this time of the year I sometimes just feel fear, I hate it, but sometimes it just catches up with me. I consider myself to be a positive person and so I try to run~really fast~ to outrun those fears and to avoid anything that makes me afraid. Recently, fear has caused me to miss out on some really great parts of life. This summer I have discovered I can't run to avoid dealing with my fears; I don't want to outrun what I have now. The happiness I have now outweighs my fears. I am amazed each day by the wonderful and amazing man I have found. He has a calming nature and really understands/accepts me as a whole~ my stubbornness, literacy nerd quirks, vulnerability, and above all~fears.

By J. Johnson, picture courtesy of alittletoofragile

Yesterday afternoon I had a sudden and unexpected flood of feelings~emotions; most of which included fear of trusting someone with all of my being; heart and soul. Going back to school I have to trust that love will survive distance in the end; with truth and faith prevailing.I had to call/text for reinforcements in order to stay grounded, aka:Small. There is nothing like a friend who has been down to the depths of grief, who can empathize with "that moment" in which your life was forever changed. Remember, we all know, "Misery loves company."

Small encourages me to move on and one of her favorite things to say to me is: "Don't assume, you're assuming." I don't have to say much to her about how I am feeling, she just gets it. It is an unspoken rule that I don't have to explain any of my feelings to her, she knows, understands, and can appreciate them. Most of the time I wish she didn't totally understand~I never wanted her to feel what I felt, but life doesn't always work out as one would hope. Angie listens to my babbling and then gives me her two cents, okay, a lot more. :) She knows I don't want to look behind, I only want to focus on the positive and what I have always wanted and truly deserved out of life.

I have found myself in unfamiliar territory this summer with a relationship that challenges me and all of the chapters in my book of life. I am thankful for Sam; his patience and kindness is worth taking many risks. No, I did not go to church this whole summer, I feel like such a sinner, especially since God has sent so many blessings my way. I feel so lucky and I am going to make a close to end of the year's resolution to listen, love, and pray more...

By J. Johnson, picture courtesy of factsaboutyou

I have three words to describe the place I am in life right now. Nearly six years ago, I would have not thought them all to be possible, but time, courage, and healing creates change.

1) Blessed
2) Stronger
3) Optimistic

I am in a good place now because of my wonderful family, friends, and my amazing job. Working defines who I am and those little peanuts saved me from the depths of despair on many rough days. I think being a "fixer" in the end was a blessing because when I couldn't fix what was happening in my own life I could always go to my work; help my kiddos with their learning problems and physical~emotional "boo-boos." I would arrive home feeling emotionally exhausted, but knowing I had made a huge difference in some one's life during that day.

The job that I love helped me to remain grounded, hopeful, and positive.

I love my life and the possibilities within this new and exciting journey.



~Twelve Thoughts For Today~

By Karen Saunders, picture courtesy of lovelydreamms